The league known as the Purple Onion (or Avengers 6.0" The Rise of the Purple Onion, as they like to pretend to call themselves) rose from infamy as last place bottom of the barrel losers in the First League Wars to Gold Medal victors in the recently concluded Second League Wars.
Their success was totally unpredicted, and sparked a great deal of debate among critics and commentators. To fuel the debate, a snapshot of a secret conversation in the Onion's War Strategy Room was leaked by an anonymous source to The Sentinel.
Here is the conversation which took place just before the Second League Wars:
The Sentinel then decided to follow up by interviewing a panel comprising Dick, Head of Onion, another dick known as Nova (Head of BADGE or something weird like that), and LW Commentator, Barking Cat, who also happens to be Onion's latest recruit.
Reporter:
Dick, Head of Onion, what do you have to say about the leaked conversation?
Dick, Head of Onion:
Hmmmmmm... I don't remember such a conversation, but it probably occurred. It wasn't in a War Strategy Room though... We don't have one.
Nova:
Which proves what I was saying; the Onion's success is purely accidental.
(Dick gives Nova a dirty look.)
Reporter:
Why do you say it's accidental, Nova?
Nova:
They have no strategy. What a travesty!
Barking Cat:
No strategy is actually a type of strategy. It's the strategy of accidentally winning. It's actually a good strategy, but very difficult to implement.
Reporter:
What do you mean?
Barking Cat:
I mean it's difficult to accidentally win three times in a row.
Nova:
You're full of cr*p! The lot of you!
Barking Cat:
Well, mee-oww to you too, Nova. You're in a foul mood.
Reporter:
Ahem... Guys...
Back to the topic at hand, so let's call it the Strategy of Accidentally Winning. What are your thoughts on successfully implementing such a war strategy?
Dick, Head of Onion:
The key is to not try too hard.
Nova:
You guys did not try at all.
Dick, Head of Onion:
Well, something like that... Minimum effort. That is the Onion Way.
Nova:
The Art of Being Lazy.
Barking Cat:
I actually think it's a good strategy. I like being lazy. That is why I joined the Onion.
Reporter:
(Sighs loudly, then looks at watch.)
Whoops, it looks like our time is up! Thank you, Dick and Barking Cat for joining us and sharing your... unique... perspective on the Art of War. We look forward to seeing you again for the Third League Wars.
Barking Cat:
(Whispers to reporter.) Aren't you going to thank Nova too?
Reporter:
Meh.
(To audience.) And that concludes this week's Current Affairs Feature. Next week, we interview a Man-Dog who shows up for war naked.
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