with Pain-guin (#21541), special thanks to Micheal Brody for aid in translation...
Some Heroes are perplexed tonight... Many are astonished, others are in denial that such was possible legally... the legality has been verified, so if you are among the last, stifle it.
I have been able to speak with the hero who managed this feat, and the following comprises that encounter...
Pain-guin: Lo dere hotz lady , me hearz dat yuz wantz to talkz to me abutz da recurd me jut setz. Ober 1k winz in one dayz su muk it broke da conter. Nearly 2 k in tu dayz. Dis em one tirud Painguin, butz nut too tirudz if u nose whatz I mean. So axe whut youz gunna axe.
(Hello there, hot lady, I heard that you wanted to talk with me about the record I just set. Over 1000 wins in one day... so much, it broke the counter... Nearly 2000 in 2 days. This is one tired Pain-guin, but not too tired, if you know what I mean... (waggles brow ridges) So ask what you're gonna ask.) (Krystal Fae takes a step back)
Krystal Fae: So... first let me thank you for the interview. Can you tell us about your powers and the metal spikes, They don’t seem very Penguin-like? Pain-guin: (takes a step forward)
Me em Painguin so me nu lik udder Penguinz. Der spikes frum wurkin at da Big Pen Zen’s Bar. Pen Zen, Dat em funE. When da homanz wantz the beers me waddlez ober and bring em da beer. Waddle bak getz em a nuder. Zen waz lozin da buks cuse it tuk so long. So he ramz da spikes intu me flippez den me me takz 6 beerz betwenz each pair of spikes. Hundredz in one trip. Zen da Pen em happyz makin da big bukz agun.
(I am a penguin, but not like other penguins. The spikes are from working at Big Peng Zen's Bar. (Zen's Antartic Bar & Grill) Pen Zen... that's funny... When the humans want beers, I waddle over and bring them a beer. Then I waddle back and get them another. Zen was losing money, cause it took so long. So he rammed the spikes onto my flippers, then I could take 6 beers using each pair of spikes. Hundreds in one trip. Zen the Pen was happy then, he was making the big bucks again.)
(Krystal Fae takes a step back)
Krystal Fae: So how did you get some many wins in one day... what was your strategy . (Pain-guin steps up and puts a flipper on Krystal's thigh)
Pain-guin: Hey werz u gunin. U knuw that u nu hab wurry abut da bitez tu da nutz? U em homun womun , right? Su me wurkz on da planz in secrut fur mounz. Mez gutz da candies, da haturdaide am da keyz fur da missionzall saved up. Den me unleashez da Pain. I taks da 2x exp, battlez n energez candies.
(Hey... where you going? You know that you don't have to worry about me biting your nuts... You are a female human, right? So... I worked out a plan in secret for months. I saved up candies, hatoraides, and keys from the missions... Then, I unleashed the Pain... (waggles eyebrow ridges again) I activated 2 times experience booster, along with the speed up gaining battles and energy candies.) Me startz on da heros dat em in da 150’s and wurkz me way up , nut figten da tuunz dat beatz me azz. Me beatz em su fast dat me never hab to stop da figten. Me lebbles up fightz twu ub da tuuns , duz me missionz, finishs up du tuunz fightz, lebbles up agun an itz a non stop blud badth. I drinkz me hateuraidez or uz da keyz tu kepz it guinz. Once me getz into da tuff WMD, Avengurs and HOS guyz me turnz back duwn and beatz the tunz I nu canz beat on da wayz up. Sum of dem still beatz my azz. Datz why 98% winz. Den whenz me getz tu da lebel 100’z me eatz da 3x exp candies. Den me em earning 5x times the exp. Su me duz what I waz dunin b4 but nuw me haz to hit sum real luw lebel tuunz su I getz all me figts in b4 I lebal. Su I hitz sum lebel 10’s, du my missionz and then hit da lebelz 100’z agun. ,Lebel un duz it agun. In 1 hourz me gets 30 lebelz. I waz bathed in bludd!!! Su wuch duinz tonight.
(I started on heroes in the 150s and worked my way up, not fighting the ones who beat me usually. I beat them so fast that I never had to stop fighting. I'd run my fights, run my missions, use hatoraides and more-fun bars to replenish, then keep going... it was a non-stop bloodbath. Once I got into the tough fights against WMD, Avengers, and HO$, I went back down and beat the toons that I couldn't beat on the way up. Some of those still beat my azz...(that's why win% was 98%) Then, when I got down to the 100 levels, I ate a 3 times experience candy. Now, I'm earning 5 times the experience (for wins). SoI did what I had been doing before, but I was hitting some real low-level toons so I was getting all the fights in before I'd level. So, I'd hit my fights, (some level 10) do my missions, then back to the level 100s again... I'd level, then go at it again... in 1 hour I got 30 levels. I was bathed in blood!!! (So...what you doing tonight?)
(Krystal Fae, removing the fin from her thigh, takes a step back)
Krystal Fae: Thanks for the interview. (I'm a married woman...) (disappears) Pain-guin (looks perplexed)
Pain-guin: Womenz... He shrugs and waddles off.
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