Interview with Zen
by Chaz Hamilton
ID: 14716
"Hello readers. Chaz Hamiltion here.Today, I am speaking with you from a very cold location. No, I’m not at a toy workshop in the far north, although I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the… individual I am interviewing today isn’t on a first name basis with Mr. Claus. Today I am coming to you from the Antarctic Bar & Grill. "
A black and white penguin waddles up to the opposite side of the bar. "Wrong pole, buddy. I’m from the other end of the planet."
Chaz: "Hello, ummm... how should I correctly address you? You are my first spheniscidae."
Zen: "I've been called many things. Some of them good, many of them accurate. You can call me Zen."
Chaz: "Thank you then, Zen. Sorry about my geographical mistake."
Zen: "It happens all the time. You come from somewhere cold and everyone thinks you know every polar bear and walrus by first name. What will ya have to drink?"
Chaz: "I’m sorry? What?"
Zen waves a fin at the surrounding room: "You’re at my bar. I’m bartender. Would you like something to drink?" In a quieter voice. "Where did the Sentinel find this joker? Couldn’t they have sent that Krystal Fae here for my interview? At least she knows who I am."
Chaz: I don’t know. Ummm… Are frozen drinks your specialty?
Zen: “It is an ice bar. We don't mix rum toddies here.”
Chaz: “So everything is on the rocks with you?”
Zen: “Everything. My drinks, my marriage, my finances.... Luckily I'm part rockhopper!” Zen tilts his head back and SQUAKS.
Chaz: “Funny. I’ll have whatever the house special is.” Chaz shivers. “Is it always so cold in here?”
Zen tilts his head to one side and stares at Chaz: “You do see the entire building is made of ice, right? Did you stop at Charlie’s Place for a couple before you came over here?” Zen starts mixing a drink, tossing ice and tipping bottles into a metal tumbler.
Chaz: “No. I’m sorry. I’m probably suffering from a bad case of brain freeze. I’ll pull it together.”
Zen: “You better, or I’m cancelling my subscription.”
Chaz: “Now, I know you and many other of the heroes have a long history together? How would you describe your relationship with the other heroes? Do they ever give you a hard time for being...different?”
Zen: “I get along with just about everyone. Who can resist a penguin? All cute and fluffy, awkward and completely incapable of flight, and not at all evil....”
Chaz: “Are you typically on BADGES call list when the world is in danger?”
Zen: “Usually I'm pretty high on the list, but I haven't heard much from Nova since they opened the LW juicing scandal investigation. I stay in the loop though. Everyone talks to the bartender.” Zen picks up the tumbler between his two fins and pours out the drink into a tall, clear glass.
Chaz: “Thank you. What is it?”
Zen: “My version of a Long Island Iced Tea. I call it the Glacial Iced Tea.”
Chaz takes a sip and his eyes go wide: “That’s…that’s…” He takes another, longer sip. “That’s some good Iced Tea.”
Zen nods knowingly.
Chaz sips slowly at his drink as he continues the interview. “How would you describe the fight against the Demon Jinn?”
Zen: “It was a lot of fun. Days earlier, Rakly and I had been staring each other down across the LW arena, as we have before and likely will again, now here we were leading the charge through the first half of the fight. That big, stupid bastard never had a chance.”
Chaz: “You did a significant amount of damage while fighting the Demon Jinn. Were you injured during the fight?” <hic>
Zen: “I was, but not by Jinn. That stupid rabbit threw me a chocolate, i snapped it out of the air without even looking. Penguins don't eat chocolate, and the umm... "effects" slowed me down for a couple hours. No sooner was i back up to speed, he threw me an egg to make it up. Rotten. Same (effect)." Zen bunny-ears the word effect, but with the tips of his fins.
Chaz: “It is likely that the Demon Jinn would have decimated much of Turkey if you and the other heroes hadn't kept him in place in Bursa. Have you ever encountered anyone with as much power as him before?”
Zen: “Only at the bottom of a bottle.” Zen SQUAKS again. “No. He put on a good show, but in the end, he wasn't all that.”
Chaz: “Were you in the fight all the way until the end?”
Zen: “I was. I don't know how it might have looked to anyone else, but from what i could see, i was the last super to hit that f*cker!”
Chaz: “What did you think when Chase showed up with Santa Claus and struck the final blows? Could you have stopped the Jinn without that assistance?”
Zen: “I don't know much about mythic magic, but it looked to me like we had pretty much spanked that ass before they even showed up. But a big thank you to whatever ineffable force finally brought that battle to a satisfying conclusion.”
Chaz: “Now that the Jinn has been defeated, what are you currently doing?” Chaz’s words become slightly slurred as he speaks them.
Zen: “Most days i can be found behind the bar of the Antarctic Bar & Grill, serving it up to whoever's buying.”
Chaz: “How concerned are you about the Legion?” <hic>
Zen: “I think the Legion should be more concerned about us.”
Chaz slumps a bit in his seat: “Now you said people love penguins because they’re all cute and not at all evil. They don't ever need to worry about their drinks being poisoned with a penguin as bartender, do they?”
Zen: “Fun is fun, and business is business. My place is successful because i provide a safe, pleasant experience. No one f*cks around in my place, or they're quickly and permanently shown the door.”
Chaz: “That is very important, but I know that things sometimes get out of hand when people start drinking.” <hic> “Have you ever had to settle things down between two supers getting into a disagreement while at your place?”
Zen: “We've never had to ban anyone. There have been some arguments and bruised feelings and occasionally, bruised other things, It's not a tea-room, after all. But between myself, my staff, and a few high-powered regulars, we can usually settle things down before they go too far.”
Chaz: “That’s amazing. You’re amazing, man. Penguin? Man? I still don’t know what to call you.” Chaz lays his head down on the counter of the bar.
Zen: “That’s fine. I know what to call you.” Zen picks up his phone and holds it in front of his beak. “Hello, Uber?”
0 Comments