(Opening by Dan Peyton)
Over the bleak, cold arctic north a large BADGE landing craft buzzed through the gray skies. Gliding next to it was the stone hero Gargoyle, keenly watching the white land below.
Nova sat in the command seat of this large craft while his trusty robots managed the controls. He touched a comm device attached to his ear, “Anything yet, Gar?”
Gar answered, “Just snow. I...WATCH OUT!”
The proximity alarm went off and the whole craft lurched to the side as something slammed into them. The whole craft spun out of control, the three robots on the bridge rolled about like toys in a storm while Nova kept his firm grip on the command chair.
Nova looked out the front windows as they fell out of the sky and slammed into the ground. Waves of white powder spewed from either side of the ship as they plowed across the frozen north. After the sliding came to a stop, Nova shoved the emergency exit open and jumped out.
Gar landed next to him, "Sir, look!"A demon approached,“Ah, Director Nova. It’s been a while.”
“What is it this time, Krampus? You and I both know you’re unable to get into Santa’s palace.”
Krampus resembled a man with shaggy hair all over his body, long demonic horns on his head, a long tail, and goat-like legs. He smiled at Nova with those fangs of his, “True, I could never get into that place. But, things have changed.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What are you talking about?”
Krampus answers, “These Morphons are spectacular little blessings, now aren’t they? Some humans have been turned almost into gods with them, and some into demons...depends on what they do with them I suppose. I, already being nearly a god myself, found them to be most delightful.”
Nova growled, “What have you done?”
“What I was always meant to do, punish the nasty little brats of this world. And with Santa out of my way, I think I can do my job unhindered. I think I will go eat at least ten thousand children, for starters. I believe that should make up for the lost years with Santa holding me back. Then, who knows? Maybe I’ll eat a few thousand more, all before Christmas.”
“No, you can’t,” Nova exclaimed.
Krampus laughed, “Who will stop me? Without Santa’s cheer, and morphons surging through my body, I am invulnerable. Now, I think I’ll start with a nice aged appetizer.” He jumped at Nova but was blindsided by a full-body slam from Gar. Without a second thought, Gar punched the demon hard enough to send him sprawling ten feet backward across the snow.
“Stay away, monster,” Gar commanded.
Krampus sat there, wiping a trickle of blood from his nose. “You’re an interesting foe. I’ll enjoy playing with you when I’m done. But, alas, I have other plans.” He vanished in a black puff of smoke, leaving only a cackle in its wake.
Nova let out a furious scoff, “This is serious.”
"What was that thing?" Gar asked.
"A demon who dines on little children. Since you can fly, head back to BADGE HQ and alert the leagues that Krampus must be defeated. I’ll stay here and call on any heroes who can help me find Santa and set this all straight. GO!”
"What was that thing?" Gar asked.
"A demon who dines on little children. Since you can fly, head back to BADGE HQ and alert the leagues that Krampus must be defeated. I’ll stay here and call on any heroes who can help me find Santa and set this all straight. GO!”
Gar took to the skies while Nova headed back into his wrecked ship. He activated his comm, “Nova to all heroes, I need anyone who can help me find Santa, this is a matter of planetary emergency.”
__________________________
(Continuation by Bartman)
“Santa captured…? Christmas massacre…?” The Closer’s words weighed heavy on Bartman’s heart.
"I’ve never
been one of Santa’s favorites; in fact, I’ve landed on the
naughty list more than a few times. But even I realize how
devastating this will be for the world, if Santa isn’t found
quickly. And my fear is that the rest of the 5th Precinct is looking
in all the wrong places."
"Where would I
hide Santa if I was his arch nemisis – Krampus? Where would I hide
the cheeriest person the world has ever known? Where he couldn’t be
affected by random showers of morphons? Cheeriest person…?
Cheeriest… I’ve got it! I would hide him in the SADDEST place on
earth. That’s it!"
“Alexa print me a
list of the saddest places on earth?”
“Printing a list
of the 10 saddest places on earth.”
1. Depression Pond,
Dover, US
2. Misery Bay,
Michigan
3. Gloomy Lake, ON
Canada
4. Mistake Island,
Jonesport, U.S
5. Little Hope,
Texas
6. Cape
Disappointment Lighthouse, Washington U.S
7. Despair Island,
Rhode Island
8. Misery, France
9. Sorrow Islands,
British Columbia, Canada
10. Disappointment
Island, New Zealand
Bartman examined the
list closely as he sipped a tall glass of iced milk. The frequent
flyer miles are really going to add up if I have to travel to all of
these locations. There’s no way The Closer is going to sign off on
that. He’s tighter than a Baptist minister's wife's girdle at an
all you can eat pancake breakfast. He quickly glanced over the list
again and then froze. It’s not there! It’s not on the list!
"What was it
that my friend Buddy the Elf said after getting smacked around by
that short little guy Miles Finch? 'He must be a South Pole elf.' If
Krampus were to have a horde of minions to do his dastardly bidding,
it would be nasty, mean South Pole elves."
“Alexa? Mobilize
S.W.A.T. and tell them to dress warmly. We’re storming the South
Pole!”
--------------------
It’s a ragtag
crew, but they’re as loyal and skilled a group of soldiers anyone
could have to go into battle. Blood brothers… friends: Timebender,
Captain Aim Eric Ah, Necromaniac, Master Ron, Major Jimjim, and Dr.
Faust.
(Several hours
later) “Take us in low Captain E. We don’t want to give away the
element of surprise."
“Right-O Bartman!
Closing in on coordinates 90°S 0°…. Whoa! Would ya look at
that1?!”
They couldn’t
believe their eyes. Before them, right smack dab in the center of the
southern hemisphere stood a monolith of ominous darkness, black and
evil. It made the hair stand on Major Ron’s neck.
“On your guard
S.W.A.T. It could get uglyyyyyy…” All of a sudden. the airship
jolted and went dead.
“We’ve lost
power. We’re goin’ down. Brace for impact!”
Captain E. managed
to skid the airship to a stop without rolling her over. The crew and
ship took minimal damage, but there was no time to even shake the
cobwebs - for out of the darkness streamed a devilish horde of South
Pole elves, screaming and angrily gnashing their teeth.
Necromaniac:
“Forgive me for stating the obvious, but these critters are not
happy to see us and we are woefully outnumbered.”
Not wasting a
precious nanosecond, Bartman forged a plan of attack. “Quick
Timbender can you use your Mental Assault power to link the squad
together?”
“Sure Bart –
activating.” Timebender’s head enlarged until it looked like it
would burst, but in an instant S.W.A.T. was ONE. And in the pristine
moment of unified mental clarity Bartman’s order rang out,
“S.W.A.T. employ Laughing Gas!”
A misty fog began to
appear in the frosty air which soon formed into a thick cloud
protectively surrounding the heroes and then becoming an
all-consuming force spreading out in all directions. Soon it engulfed
the charging wretches who began coughing, gagging and choking and
then soon giggling, chuckling and laughing uncontrollably. They were
in agony, but appeared to be enjoying every second of it. Many passed
out from laughter, the rest retreated in embarrassment.
“It worked!
They’re tucking their little elf tails between their legs and
skittering away,” exclaimed a jubilant Major Jimjim. “Way to go
Team!”
“But what are we
going to do with that?” staring at the mountain of blackness before
them.
“Good question,
Ron, but look it appears to have diminished a tad in the joyful
revelry,” astutely observed Dr. Faust.
“You’re right
Doc! Do you think Santa could be in there?” Timebender queried.
“I do, mate. And
if my Christmas Hero and mentor Buddy taught me anything, it’s that
‘The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to
hear.’ Alexa…? S.W.A.T…? Christmas Carol Protocol!” commanded
Bartman.
Boom! It was as if a
“heavenly host” on steroids suddenly appeared as the airship
morphed into the biggest 80's boom box you’ve ever seen and filled
the air with a rockin’ beat the likes of an AC/DC resurrection and
S.W.A.T., channeling Bruce Springsteen, in unison began to sing.
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is
coming to town
(The air began to
warm)
He's making a list
He's checking it
twice
He's gonna find out
who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is
coming to town
(The ground began to
quake)
He sees you when
you're sleeping
And he knows when
you're awake
He knows if you've
been bad or good
So be good for
goodness…
The oxygen seemed to
get swallowed up… everything went silent… and next… an
explosion - that knocked the heroes right on their keisters! When the
smoke cleared, the darkness was gone. All that was left was a little
pile of red, some white fur. a black leather belt and a pair of
boots.
Out of the silence
though, came a low almost imperceptible “Ho…ho…ohhhhh”
“Doc, He’s still
alive. Quick, get him one of those morphon booster cookies you baked
in your lab. Capt. fire up the airship. We’ve got to get Santa back
to headquarters. There’s still hope for the world.”
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