By Phantom 10823 Island 11504
“... one lucky bidder took home Sir Isaac Newton’s meditations on causes and cures for the common plague. The manuscript, which sold for $108,083, is believed to have been written shortly after Newton returned to Cambridge after nearly two years in self-quarantine to avoid the plague. The document is unlikely to be of much use during the current pandemic, however: it includes, among other things, a prescription for driving away disease with lozenges made from a mixture of toad vomit and powdered toad,
And now from one bunch of useless drivel to another … we’re going live to the SuperActionSports Team reporting live from the Egg-Celsior League Wars …”
“Thanks, I think, Kennie.”
“How’s round one gone guys?”
“Well nobody ruptured the hull, so it could have been worse.”
“And we’ve seen some great action in the nine divisions battling it out for temporary glory.”
“We’ll start off with D1. WMD cruised past 5th Omniversal and Avengers 51 gained a 119-0 win over 5th Galactic. No real surprises in either match, although we have to mention some impressive work by the 5ths GhostfaceKilla who against all predictions actually managed to pick up some wins.”
“And in D2 Avengers 51 took down 5th Kung Fu Hustle while NMDS were no match for Angels of Sorcery.”
“D3 saw a spirited Legacy of Spawn make a great start against Seraphim Angels, a fairly close match there, but Spawn were determined to match, or better, the last league war performance, but they will be keeping a close eye on the Avengers 51 team that dominated their match against SOB Hunter/Killer.”
“D4 saw Avengers 51 come close to the first 200 point match as they brushed aside Creatures of the Night and equally one sided was the win for 5th Section 8.”
“D5 Suicide Squad with the shut out win versus Galaxy Rangers and 5th Space Force looked comfortable in the familiar terrifying surroundings of eternal darkness that surround this orbital death trap.
“D6 saw StarForce and Times Arrow pick up first round w’s, 5th Wise Guys couldn’t handle the assault from Illiterate Cowboys and the bookies favourites for the division Pain brought a 70-0 display of dominance to the Justice League.”
“D7 Avengers 51 made the seven look less than magnificent, B team got an A star for their performance against Freaks of Nature, Suicide Squad 2 took out C+ and in a tense low scoring affair NobleGates beat the 5th Night Shift.”
“D8 saw Mojos Dojo suffer a first round loss, there have been some significant line up changes to the team that previously surprised us all, and they were no match for the Avengers 51 team, Suffering proved too much for 5th Buddy Cops. Raider Nation came from behind to take down Firefly fun Haus and the Purple Onion lost to WTF’ers after a dominant start they found themselves getting ground down by repeated attack runs they couldn’t respond to.”
“Finally in D9 Sensational Seven put 77 on the board and that was enough to see off Star Force Jnrs. Lush realised that Avengers 51’s pink bunnies aren't cute and cuddly, loon Platoon and Rock’n’Wrestling Connection put on a high scoring affair for the lowest level, with the loons getting the victory. And we had conclusive proof that Avengers 21 mini have little, or nothing, to do with the 51 teams as they were swatted aside by the A Team.”
“And now we can finally go to d’Anthony in the Pits, turns out that crushed vitamin B mixed with powdered sugar is not illegal … “
“Jay my main C, Rob JuJu Junior, the d’Anthony is loud and proud in the pits. He’s been doing what he do best. I got to see the teams that I spoke to before showing they have been building to win, all gold, all day baby!
The d’Anthony was with painfully inked Sadist after the Pain Inc show ended. He didn’t say much cos the ballgag and stuff. But Dr Hyde was available to take some hard hitting q’s!”
“Who are you?”
“d’Anthony is the SAS man on the ground.”
“Oh SAS Team, guess thats ok then … “
“Are you an actual real doctor, cos the d’Anthony’s got this rash …”
“Pull them back up!”
“Then you know how I do, got the guys from 5th Omniversal to sit down with us…”
“Who are you?”
“d’Anthony is the SAS man on the ground.”
“Oh SAS Team, guess thats ok then … “
“Is that Silver Surfer Strange guy actually a real doctor?”
“Ermmmm ….”
“You see the d’Anthony’s got this rash …”
“Pull them back up!”
“Finally I spoke to the D1 team Angels Of Sorcery …”
“d’Anthony is the SAS man on the ground.”
“Oh SAS Team, guess thats ok then … “
“Who are you?”
“Neach-dion na h-alba”
“You related to Jessica, she did karaoke with the d’Anthony!”
“Ermmm …”
“Does your team have a doctor?”
“Ermmm …”
“You see the d’Anthony’s got this rash …”
“Pull them back up!”
“As always d’Anthony you’ve really done something down there in the Pits”
“Thanks Jay, you know how I do what I do when I do what I do doo be doo doo wop doo”
“I think we all have a fair idea … what you up to next d’Anthony?”
“I'm headed to the medical bay Rob, you see I got this rash …”
“Pull them up!”
“Anyway that’s round one completed, round two is less than 24 hours away, and we’ll be back bringing you all the action and Dom will be analysing everything before the finals,”
“All sports, all super, all the time!”
“Back to you Kennie.”
“Thanks guys, coming up we have news on the Australian mouse plague, scientists believe they may be the first creatures in Australian history that don’t really want to kill the countries inhabitants, an endangered songbird that has forgotten its love songsnand the females aren’t impressed, and an overgrown sheep that needed over 75lbs of fleece removing by the baabaa’s … all that and more after this word from our sponsors …”
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