By Chaz Hamiltion
“WHAT - WHAT!! WHAT THE HELL ISSSS THISSSS SSSSSSHI..?” Midgardsormr belllowed so angrily, his last word couldn’t be identified. It came out as pure venom spiting against the front windows of the Sentinel offices. Hisses of steam erupt as the acid blisters into the glass. People on the street screams while covering their heads and dashs for cover. “FIRSSSST THISSSS CHAZ REPORTSSS NOTHING OF EXXXTREME DAMAGE I INFLICTED ON JINN BUT REPORTED FAR LESS INJURIES CAUSED BY LESSER METASSSS”
Midgardsormr moves to the offices front doors and grabs a newspaper vending machine between his clawed hands. He brings it over his head and crushes it like a beer can. “NOW HE INSULTSS ME BY REPORTING ON A FIGHT CLUB AND HOW HIS OLD FRIEND AND LEADER ONCE KNOWN ASSSSS BABY SEAL CLUBBER WAS WATCHING A FIGHT CLUB BATTLE FOR SSSSECOND PLACE BETWEN THE WORLD SSSSERPENT AND KRYSSSTAL?”
“SSSPAZZ'S BOSSSSS!!” Midgardsormr goes on while throwing the demolished box through an office window on the top floor. “WHAT A BROWN NOSSSER - MAKING IT SOUND LIKE A CLOSSE FIGHT. ‘MIDGARDSORMR TOOK A BLOW THAT LIFTED HIM HIGH IN THE AIR INDEED.’ ALL RUBBIISSSHHH! DURING THE BATTLE KRYSSSTAL NEVER TOUCHED ME IT WASSS A FLAWLESS VICTORY AND ALSO THE HORSSSEMAN'S LEADER DID NOT WIN THISS FIGHT CLUB MIDGARDSORR DID LIKE THE MAORITY OF FIGHT CLUBSSS HE ENTERSSSSS.”
“SUCH LIESSS AND OMISSIONS MUSSST BE PAID FOR NO MORE MR NICE SSSSERPENT,” Midgardsormr backs away from the entrance and brings his head up while pointing at the Editor-In-Chief’s office. “I THINK I WILL DESSSTROY SSSTAR FORCESS HQ AND BUILDINGSS TO SSSTART THEN TO THE SSSSENTINEL OFFICESSSS.”
******
The Editor-in-Chief calls over his shoulder to his assistant. “Miss Hathaway, get Mr. Hamilton on the phone. RIGHT. NOW!”
******
Jormurgandr's avatar transforms into a 15-foot snake god. Slithering further from the Sentinel building, his focus turns to a pair of SWAT vehicles blocking traffic from the nearest intersection. “HUNDREDSS OF THE CITIESSS ANTI-LEGION OFFICERS COULD NOT SSSSLOW MY ADVANCE THEIR WEAPONS JUSST BOUNCING OR REFLECTING OFF MY FLESSSHHH. WHAT DO YOU SMALL CREATURES THINK YOU CAN DO TO ME?”
Several officers in full armor begin to fire at Midgardsormr. The blasts and projectiles bouncing off the avatar’s ultra-dense scales and destroy private businesses and offices front walls. “WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? AN ANTIFA RIOT!”
*****
“It’s ringing, sir,” Miss Hathaway calls through the open doorway. Her mousey brown bangs bounce over her thick rimmed glasses as she rolls her chair backwards to avoid the path of her boss as he charges toward her.
He snatches the phone receiver out of her hands.
Chaz’s voice comes over the line. “Hello—”
“You need to get down here. RIGHT NOW. I don’t know what you did, but he’s demanding to speak to you before he brings the entire building down.” The Editor-In-Chief’s face is smoldering with anger.
“Who is—”
“GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW!” The Editor-In-Chief slams the phone down in its cradle and walks away, leaving Miss Hathaway quivering in fear in her seat. “Someone bring me a damn megaphone!”
*****
Krystal Fae walked through the corridor from the parking garage at BADGE headquarters as a sudden burst of activity from agents around her caught attention. As she studied the people, one word repeatedly appeared in their thoughts. Midgardsormr.
“What is he gotten himself up to now?” She asked herself as she retrieved a tablet from her satchel and turned it on. Instantly connected to BADGE communications, she gleaned the source of everyone’s concern. She replaced the tablet and focused on a crystal on the bracelet she gave Chaz several weeks prior. “I hope Chaz hasn’t eaten in the last hour.”
One arcane gesture later, she was gone.
*****
More vehicles approach and park along the street, trying to block his way with more and more heavily armored combat vehicles. Federal and city police officers pelt the enlarged god and continue to futilely fire their weapons.
Midgardsormr grabs two of the vehicles and carries them like Tonka toys toward the newspaper skyscraper, hissing when the building’s entrance came back into view. “SSSSSPAZ AND KRSSTAL - I AM DEMANDING A MEETING ABOUT DOWNRIGHT LIESS REPORTING A FIGHT CLUB - AND KRYSSTAL YOU NOT EDITING THISSS CRAP WHEN YOU KNEW IT WASSS FALSE - I WILL FIGHT YOU AGAIN NOT HOLDING BACK - LET'SS SEE YOUR FAE POWERSS HEAL YOU AFTER USSING MY WORLD DEVORING VENOM - IF EITHER OF YOU DON'T SSSSHOW THE SENTINEL'S NEXT OFFICE WILL BE A VAN DOWN BY THE—"
Krystal and Chaz teleport onto the street directly in front of the Sentinel’s main entrance. Both of them bend forward as if readying to vomit but only Chaz emits the contents of his stomach onto the sidewalk.
“We’re here, Midgardsormr.” Krystal wipes her mouth with a handkerchief. Standing straight, she takes a moment to motion to the city’s forces surrounding the three of them to retreat. “Let’s try not break anything… breakable today. OK?”
With obvious reservation, the weapons fire ceases and a larger gap is created between Midgardsormr and the marshalled personnel.
“WHY SSSHOULDN’T I BREAK YOU - YOU ALLOWED SSPPAZZZ TO LIE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN MINESSSOTAAH” Midgardsormr’s thick serpent tail thudded into the pavement, cracking the street. “AN AFFRONT TO MYYY SSSTRENGTTTHHH CANNOT GO UNPUNISSSHED”
“I didn’t write anything about you in Minnesota. I didn’t go to that Fight Club.” Chaz steps closer to the serpentine avatar. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“YOU WROTE ABOUT YOUR RECRUITMENT DRIVE WITH THE SSSTARRR FORCCCE.” Midgardsormr swept closer to Chaz, dropping the two armored vehicles to the side like clothes during a one-night stand. “ARRRE YOU ATTEMPTTTING TO DECCCIEVE MEEE? I WILLL FEASSST ON YOUR ENTRAILSSS FOR A HUNDRED YEARSSS—”
“No.” Chaz braced himself and lowered his shoulders slightly to the ground, his hands outstretched with palms facing the ground. It worked for Chris Pratt. “That was submitted to the Sentinel by Starmaster as a story to get people to join his league.”
“YOU ARRREEE SSSTARMASTER - YOU WRITE FOR THE LYING SSSENTINEL.” Midgardsormr glared at Chaz with unblinking eyes as he brought his face closer. A split tongue slithered out of his mouth and tested the air within inches of Chaz’s face.
“They are two very different people,” Krystal said. She closed her hands into fists and said a few words. Twisting her palms up and gesturing as if she were releasing something into the air, Krystal opened her eyes and an image of Starmaster appeared beside Chaz. “This is the leader of the Star Force. He wrote the story you are speaking of.”
“BAHHH” Midgardsormr swung a clawed hand at Chaz, shredding his shirt but not drawing blood. “ALL SMALL HUMANS AND META LOOK THE SAME – SSSMALL BAGS OF MOSTLY WATER”
Chaz pulled at the tattered edge of his shirt, half-expecting his insides to drop onto the ground in slow motion. He swallowed hard before continuing. “I did write about the battle with the Jinn in Bursa. I apologize for not giving credit to you for your prowess on the battlefield.”
“YESSS – WHY DID YOU GIVE SSSO MUCH CREDIT TO OTHER LESSER BEINGSSS SSSPAZZZ” Midgardsormr backed into the street and twisted his body as he rotated into the air, balancing his entire weight on less than a few inches of his entire length. Spreading his arms wide, he looked up to the heavens. “DO YOU NOT RECOGNIZE MY SSSUPREMMMECCCY”
“I…I…I do,” Chaz stammered. “At the time, I didn’t know who everyone on the battlefield was. I couldn’t name everyone while I reported, so I mentioned those I recognized. I should have done better. Please, I beg your forgiveness.”
Midgardsormr came back down closer to the street and rested on his coiled tail. “YESSS – YOU SHOULD HAVE – KRYSTAL DO YOU NO LONGER KNOW HOW TO INSTRUCT YOUR LESSSERS - A FAE CREATURE AS YOURSSSELFFF SSSHOULD KNOW HOW PROPER RESSSPECT SSSHOULD BE SSSHOWN ON THE BATTLEFIELD - SSSHALLL I INSTRUCT HIMMM FOR YOU”
“That won’t be necessary,” Krystal smirked. “He is learning quickly on his own.”
“I FORESSSEE MUCH BLOOD SSSHALL BE SSSOON SSSPILLED” Midgardsormr pivots slowly and snarls at the watching masses. “MAKE NOTE OF MY GENEROSSSITY PUNY BEINGS – I WILL NOT BE SSSO KIND WHEN I FIND THIS SO CALLED SSSTARMASSSTER – HIS FALSSSEHOODS SSSHALL BE MET WITH HARSSSHER PENANCCCE – HISSS ENTRAILSSS SSSHALL BE CASSST OUT AS NEW CONSSSTELATIONSSS IN THE SKY HE FALSSSELY CLAIMSSS TO BE HISSS”
Midgardsormr springs into the air, jackknifes his body like an Olympic vaulter at the peak of his ascent several stories above, and dives down, crashing through the street. Chunks of asphalt, concrete, and steel explode in every direction as a cloud of dust fills the air like a morning fog. People are forced to cover their faces for blocks, barely able to breath.
A voice echoed between the buildings, seemingly vocalized from any and all directions simultaneously. “MAYBE NOW SPAZZ YOU WILL RECOGNIZE ME DURING ANY BATTLE - I WILL BE THE ONE INFLICTING MASSSSIVE DAMAGES - I WILL NOW LEAVE FOR THE ORBITING ARENA - WILL BE JUST A HOP FOR ME - I THINK I WILL TRACK DOWN SSSTAR MASSSTER - IF I TASTE ANY OF YOUR SSSTENCH ON HIM SSSSPAZ I WILL RETURN HERE AND BRING DARKNESSSSSS”
Chaz watches through the haze as Krystal puts her hands outstretched to the crowd and in a commanding voice, speaks words in an unearthly language. A mild downpour of rain erupts from above and quickly settles the dust cloud.
Only a large crater in the ground remains in the street after Midgardsormr’s departure. Trickles of the rainwater flow into the pit and the sewers far below.
Wiping sweat and rain from his forehead, Chaz scowls. “I hope whatever business took Starmaster out of the area keeps him far away enough to avoid Midgardsormr’s notice.”
“CHAZ. KRYSTAL,” a voice high above carries down to them. They look up and spot the Editor-In-Chief leaning out of a window and holding a megaphone to his mouth. “Get up here. You have some explaining to do.”
“Do you have it in you to teleport us to the Bahamas or somewhere?” Chaz asks while pulling off his shredded shirt.
Krystal pulls off her glasses and polishes them before returning them to her face. “Why? Do you think our boss more frightening than that?” She turns her eyes to the enormous hole in the ground.
From above. “YOU’RE NOT MOVING!!!”
Chaz and Krystal connect with their eyes for a moment, sharing a mutual thought of retreating to a sandy beach and drinking from glasses with small, colorful umbrellas tucked into them before Chaz pulls the door open for Krystal. “After you.”
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