Wednesday, March 23, 2022

The Battle With Harbinger -- RAID Fan Fiction (or Fact)


by Dew Bee Doobidu

As Harbinger attacks our heroes, the regular cast of B.A.D.G.E. elites bring the heat! Alongside them, many other heroes and even villains have come to help save the day. But one hero, or to be more accurate, rehabilitated villain, has taken the battle by storm!

Crystal Meth Anubis doesn't have quite the power that some of the other heroes have, but what he lacks for there, he makes up for in effort, easily hitting nearly 5 times as many punches as his closest competition, Magnificent Punlork, and over twice as many hits as the next most prolific hitter, Skynett!

We tried to catch up with Crystal Meth Anubis, but there's no catching a guy like that. So we asked around and interviewed those familiar with him, so that we could bring you the scoop on this amazing story of self destruction and redemption. A long time friend of Anubis, Chris P. Bacon was willing to give us all the details.

Born Christian Al Anubis, he quickly found himself at odds with others from a young age. While Christian thought this was due to bigotry over his unusual dog head and purple skin, Bacon says the real truth was Anubis was often caught peeing on people's mailboxes and fire hydrants. This early turmoil in his life led him to hang out with unsavory criminals like Casa Nova, Gentleman Rex, and Gamer G. It was during this time he picked up the name Crystal Anubis.

After a major sting operation involving countless B.A.D.G.E. agents, Anubis and the rest of his gang were arrested, tried in court, and imprisoned in Purgatory Penitentiary. Eventually gaining release due to a technicality, he tried to get back into organized crime but was suspected of being an informant after he got out so easily. No other criminal organization would touch him with a ten foot pole.

Unable to get a job, Anubis fell on hard times and became addicted to hard drugs. That's when he picked up the name Crystal Meth Anubis. Why or how he came to be in this fight is anyone's guess, but he's hitting it like no one else and he doesn't look like he's tiring out or showing any signs of quitting soon. This reminds me of a Rick James quote. "Cocain's a helluva drug."
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