by Madam Marvelous (PID# 26130)
When Arx threw his hissy fit in Hollywood a while back, I couldn’t go because my parents wouldn’t let me. Now, as a probationary BADGE agent, they couldn’t stand in my way.
Or so I thought.
Imagine this. My parent’s kitchen. Last night. We had just finished dinner and were getting ready to talk more about my attendance at the new Sagan Academy when my comm unit chirped.
CALLING ALL HEROES TO NEO UTOPIA
“What’s going on, Kitt’n?” Dad asked as he carried a stack of dirty plates to the dishwasher.
“Director Nova is calling for all heroes to go to Neo Utopia,” I replied. “I better get ready.”
“Of course dear, just as soon as your chaperone gets here,” Mom said calmly.
Chaperone?!
Mom’s cool demeanor accepting my summons raised a red flag.
“She’s not my chaperone, Mom. At least, Ms. Fae hasn’t told me yet that she will be my Training Officer.”
“I’m not talking about Ms. Fae, dear,” Mom said.
“We’ve talked to Director Nova and we thought that for BADGE outings, it might be handy for you to have a dedicated companion to be at your side.”
“You arranged for me to have a SIDEKICK?”
I didn’t know if this was progress as far as them seeing me as a real hero or some type of ploy meant to discourage me. “Who is it?”
“If there is a call from Director Nova out for all heroes, then she should be here any moment.
She will also be transporting you to wherever the Director… directs.” Dad said.
He leaned forward and peered out the kitchen window. “In fact, I think she is arriving now. Better go and get ready.”
Not wanting to miss out, I raced up to my room and gathered some of the gear I had collected since joining BADGE. My Modified Hazmat Helmet, a Null-Field Generator, Chrono Ring, and other items that went well with my Technocrat core. By the time the doorbell rang, I was halfway down the stairs, ready to go. “Don’t get the door. It’s for me. It’s for me!”
“Rules, dear,” Mom said from the archway connecting the kitchen to the foyer. “No running in the house.”
“MOM!” I rushed up to her as she leaned down so I could give her a quick kiss on the cheek.
Knock. Knock, KNOCK.
“I’ve got to go.” I rushed to the front door and opened it, desperate to see who would be taking me to Neo Utopia. Would it be Ms. Fae? Futurina? The Sword of Gerraxia? Macia’s Daughter? I turned the knob and swung the door open.
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
A doting, lovable elderly woman with grayish hair, thick granny glasses with a chain, white ruffled shirt, plaid skirt, and amethyst broach waited at the door for me.
“Well HELLO, poppet.”
Yes. You’ve got it.
My driver and chaperone to the big event outside of Neo Utopia was none other than Mrs. Doubtfire.
Well, not an exact match for her. Her face was wider, her nose a bit more pointed, and a less pronounced chin, but she could easily have been Robin Williams’s stunt double.
“You can’t be serious,” I said as I glared back at my parents.
“Don’t be rude, dear. Invite her in,” Mom said.
I looked back to the lady at the door. “We need to go, don’t we? Can’t have Director Nova waiting on us.”
“Oh, no, dearie. You must be Blossom,” she said. “It’s only polite if I come in and meet your lovely parents before I cart their little cherub away. And you may call me Eggie.”
“Eggie,..” I repeated as I held the door open for her as she shuffled into the foyer. Once she was in, I closed the door behind her. “What kind of name is Eggie?”
“I’m E.G., or if you say it fully, Electric Grandmother,” Eggie said.
“I’ve been programmed to transport you to and from your BADGE duties while still providing you with a sound cover story to protect your identity. Who’s going to question a young lady going out to spend some time with her loving grandparent?”
“Are you a robot?” I asked.
“Oh, what a question. I do so admire an inquisitive mind,” she cooed. “Yes, I am an artificial intelligence, but more than a plain old robot. If you ask my builder, you would find that I was almost given the name Anne for that very reason. He finally decided that Anne Droid was a bit too on the nose.” With that, she tapped the tip of her nose and giggled merrily.
“Hello, Eggie,” Mom said. “It’s very nice to meet you. Director Nova said you would be capable of protecting her if things become too dangerous.”
“Of course, dearie,” Eggie said. “I come fully functional with a NANNY defense system.”
“NANNY defense?” Dad cocked his head.
“’ No Adversary Near or I Nuke You’ system. I am prepared to evacuate her from danger while using the most powerful tech available to send her assailants to…,” she covered her mouth slightly with a hand and even managed to look embarrassed a bit as she spelled out, “-h…e…double hockey sticks.”
“Can I see that in practice?” I glared at my chaperone. How was it going to look with me showing up to a battlefield with her knitting over my shoulder the whole time? “You’ll actually blow up when that happens?”
“Let’s hope we never need to find that out dearie,” Eggie said. “It’s been lovely to meet you, but we have been summoned to duty and must be off.”
“You’ll have her back by curfew?” Mom said.
“Of course. Every box will be checked and double-checked when it comes to her probationary duties.”
“Have fun fighting evil, Kitt'n,” Dad said as he and Mom waved goodbye.
Part of me didn’t even want to answer the summons anymore, but that would make my parents even happier if I missed another major event. I was caught in a trap of my own making. I’d agreed to their terms, now I had to live with them.
Eggie and I headed out of the house and to her tiny, yellow car. I don’t know much about car brands, but the name Volkswagon Bug came to mind when I saw its rounded dome ceiling and curved body.
“Do you mind getting the door for me, dearie?” Eggie asked as she paused outside the driver’s door. “A young lady should always help their elders with doors. We suffer from all sorts of ailments, such as arthritis and brittle bones.”
“You don’t have either,” I said while pressing the silver button on the handle and pulling the door open for her.
“We must think of your cover, dearie,” she said. “The practice of good manners is a valuable tool in the hands of any hero.”
Great.
Not only did I have an animatronic chaperone, but it was going to be one of those full of helpful tidbits of Emily Post’s top 1000 factoids.
She got in, slowly, and I closed the door behind her.
By the time I got into the car, she had just managed to open her handbag and started to search for her keys.
“Don’t we need to get there soon?” I urged her to move more quickly.
“No need to rush, dearie... Buckle up,” she said as she pulled out the keys and started the engine.
“Safety first in everything that we do. Accidents happen more frequently when we allow caution to go to the wind.”
I clicked my seatbelt and relaxed into my seat.
If I had really wanted to, I could morph into a falcon and leave her in the dust, but I decided best to let my parents have this moment of peace and ease at my leaving them.
And every ounce of frustration I felt would be released on whatever threat I was being summoned to fight outside of Neo Utopia.
“And here we go, dearie,” Eggie said as she put the car in motion. “Off like a herd of turtles, as my father used to say.”
“You’re father?”
“Yes, dearie... A lovely Macintosh PC. Oh, I have such fond memories of he and I playing the Oregon Trail together,” she said.
I glanced at the speedometer... 15 MPH...
Well played, Mother… Well played.
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