OK we’re back guys with the second part of our Birthday Bash league wars round up.”
“Before we go back to the lovely Fran, lets have a look at how the divisions finished off.”
“Division 1 saw WMD proving at the highest level in the game they are almost untouchable, but the two 5th Precinct teams and the AV51 squad did reveal a few possible weaknesses.”
“In D2 it was always going to be AV51 vs the Horsies, and history repeated itself with the glue factory recieving a huge shipment of broken bones to boil down.”
“D3 as we discussed before was AV51 again, they do seem to be holding firmly onto the second and third tier of the game.”
“D4 saw the 5th Precinct getting the gold their persistence deserves, you get enough players, keep entering enough teams and they put in enough effort and you are bound to get rewards.”
“D5 was a very close affair between Stacked Deck and AV51. This one went right to the last hour with AV51 coming out with a 2 pt win.”
“D6 saw AV51 take gold and silver.”
“D7 saw Noblegates taking an early lead against AV51 and they kept that up till the final whistle.”
“D8 saw Suffering lift the title, and also worth noting was the final place of everyone's favourite bunch of slackers The Purple Onion who grabbed another silver.”
“And finally in D9 Raider Nation won the battle of the super lightweights.”
“Now lets go back to Fran … how you doing?”
“Well I know how you guys love the Onion, so I made sure I got to speak to the team, I stood in the locker room door, but there was some stuff in there that I’ll never unsee and definitely wouldn't want to touch! ….
Purple Onion, people have said that you don’t take league wars seriously, that you are undisciplined, disorganised and basically quite lazy. But in eight wars you have picked up four silvers and a gold.
Dick until recently you were team captain, how do you explain the difference between expectations and results?”
“Well Fran, you have to understand I stood down as captain to focus on the role of head of strategic planning. Since last league wars I have put in at least 5 or 6 minutes of work. That kind of time commitment along with captaincy duties is too much for any one man to handle.”
“So Dame as lead off hitter how do you feel with another silver?”
“Firstly Fran, despite Dick saying it was all about the size of the job in hand, we all felt he was getting a little too big for his britches. I wasn’t going to take his seat, not without a lot of bleach and hot water. Getting back to your question, its always been firmly in the Onion rule book that we don’t hold with such intricacies as scouting, cons are for try hards and actually as long as 95% of the team bother turning up we consider that a good result.”
“I have to ask you Mimsy, was captaining the Onion a job you were prepared for?”
“Well I had been shopping and got some lovely new accessories, and I get to go up and collect the team medals, and if anyone is going up on the podium it should be me. I'm not saying the Blue and Dawn can’t, I'm just saying they shouldn't. Without certain precautions they can be quite an infectious pair.”
“Avery and Neil, you’ve been through all eight wars. How did this one compare to the previous?”
“It was three rounds right Neil?”
“Yep.”
“So … erm … well … about the same then."
“Cat and Weerdee are you getting ready for next league wars?”
“Well it takes three to register.”
“and there’s two of us.”
“Although sometimes I am more than just me.”
“True that Weerdee.”
“But yeah when we get told to sign on the line we’ll be good to go.”
“Well thanks guys, congrats on another medal, any last words Mimsy?”
“Yeah Fran sweetie, you got my number, call me sometime, we’ll go do some retail therapy. We havent hung out in at least a couple of weeks.”
“So there you have it the Purple Onion, they came, they saw, they hung around for long enough to get a medal.”
“Great stuff Fran, anything else?”
“Well I was trying to talk to the WMD guys after they had taken the D! title, they werent as welsoming as some of the teams, but I didmanage to grab a few words with Midgardsormr.”
“How do you feel about taking another D1 title Mr Sormr?”
“Itsssssss no lessss than we expected. I have long ssssssaid thatwhne the time issss right and the opportunity arisesssss we ssssshal pluck it and sssssstart to prepare the feasssssst.”
“So is it just the winning that matters, or is it the manner in which you win?”
“It issssss about the dessstruction. Blame not the nature of the beasssst blame thosessse who would not heed.”
“Any last words from you?”
“Yesssss, have you sssseen Mimssssy? I have tried to call her but ssssheee doesss not ressspond. For a mere mortal sssssshe doessss intrigue me. It issss posssssible that I have the wrong number.”
“Sorry Mr Sormr I’m not sure I know her.”
“There you go guys, the World Serpent and the Purple Onion, opposite ends of the spectrum and a great example of the diversity of league wars.”
“Thanks Fran. We’ll catch up when you get back to earth.”
“So that's another league wars, we’ll be back with you next time, feel free to drop a complaint in to the head of the network, start a petition to get us reinstated, have a march, wear a slogan shirt, whatever you do remember … we are all super all the time!”
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