10:55 am, Sentinel Conference Room
Having just flown in for a pre-arranged interview with the Sentinel News Staff, Captain Marvel waits alone at a large conference table while stretching his muscular arms out from his body. “Boy, are my arms tired.”
On opposite sides of the room, doors open. To Captain Marvel’s left, Krystal Fae glides in with her notepad in hand. On the right side of the room, Chaz Hamilton backs into the room while balancing his tablet and two tall cups of Starbux coffee.
The two Sentinel reporters exclaim in unison: “What are you doing here?”
Captain Marvel: “I’m here for my interview.”
Krystal Fae: “Yes, of course, YOU are. And welcome. I was asking Mr. Hamilton his purpose here. Chaz?”
Chaz: “Becky told me my interviewee was here. She scheduled my meeting with him nearly a week ago. What are you doing here?” Chaz walks to one side of Captain Marvel and places a cup of coffee down beside him. “Thanks for taking the time to meet with me. I’m a huge fan. You’re a true hero to our community.”
Captain Marvel: “Oh coffee. Excellent! Krystal have you brought any presents for the Captain?”
Krystal Fae: “This won’t take but a moment, Captain.” Krystal sets her pad down and takes a seat opposite Captain Marvel. “The interview was scheduled a week ago, yes, but it was made between he and I, Chaz. I gave the instructions to our staff secretary personally.”
Chaz: “Mary left sick last Friday. Becky has been covering for her since then.” Chaz pulls out the chair next to Captain Marvel and plops down into it as he nods to the door Krystal entered though. “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir. I’m sure you don’t mind her interruption.”
Captain Marvel: “No, I don’t mind being interrupted by a beautiful woman. Although she could have at least brought some cookies or a scone.
Krystal Fae: “Chaz, dear. I’m not going to argue with you in front of MY guest.” Krystal taps the intercom in the center of the table. “Becky, sweetheart, can you verify my appointment with Captain Marvel?”
A voice crackles over the intercom: “Hello?”
Krystal Fae: “Yes. Hello, Becky. Who has the interview at 11am with Captain Marvel?”
Intercom: “HELLOO.”
Chaz and Krystal turn to one another and roll their eyes: “Temps…”
Captain Marvel: “Do I need to come back after you two fight it out? Honestly, kid,” Captain Marvel says as he turns to Chaz. “I like your writing, but I think she’d wipe the floor with you. Literally. She can turn you into a mop or something.”
Krystal Fae: “No, Captain. You’ve been very patient with your accommodation for the mix up. I’m sure Chaz and I can come to an agreement.” She glances over the rim of her glasses at Chaz, her green eyes sparkling like emeralds in the late morning sunlight. “Share another by-line with me? We can flip a coin or something for top billing this time.”
Chaz bites on the inside of his lip for an instant: “Agreed. I’d be happy to flip something for you.” He sets his tablet down, strikes the record button on it, and gestures magnanimously at Krystal. “Ladies first, of course.”
Krystal Fae: “Can you tell us your name, or would you prefer your Hero designation/code name?”
C.M. “My name is Captain Marvel. I’m here to kick azz and chew bubble gum. And I’m all out of bubble gum!”
Krystal clears her throat with a tiny “Ah-hmm”, then continues...
Krystal Fae: “Are you working thru B.A.D.G.E. or are you independent?”
C.M.: “Mostly independent. But let’s face facts. Independent Super-heroes don’t make squat. That is why I subcontract through BADGE. They pay me weekly.” Captain Marvel turns his head to a side with a fist to his mouth and coughs.“Very weakly”
Krystal Fae: “Are you currently in a League, and if so, would you care to tell us about it?”
Krystal Fae: “Are you currently in a League, and if so, would you care to tell us about it?”
C.M.: “Area 51 is like family to me. But it was not always so. I once despised Area 51. Taking my independent team to the championship rounds only to find an Area 51 team waiting for me. It was heartbreaking. Then one day a good friend of mine begged me “Please come over to the dark side... We have cookies!” And so it was. I found a new home with a great bunch of friends. The cookies were also pretty darn good.”
Krystal Fae: “Can you tell us a little about your powers—”
Krystal Fae: “Can you tell us a little about your powers—”
Chaz interrupts: “Excuse me, Krystal, but are you going to ask those same, dull questions again? You don’t mind if I jump in for a moment and ask something… fresher?”
Krystal Fae: “Well, don’t let me bore you, Chaz. Feel free to barge in. What question are you dying to ask?”
Chaz: “Thanks. Captain Marvel, you mentioned that you subcontract through BADGE but their payment is, as you put it, “very weakly.” What is the biggest expense you have as a superhero?”
C.M.: “Oh without a doubt, it is the club I belong to. Area 51. They are my brothers in arms. Many I have known 9-10 years Nobody wants to be the weak link or “that guy”. Plus, we recently began upgrading our new HQ. It’s gonna be sweet, once we finish kicking the walls and painting the tires. Wait, did I say that right? Doesn’t matter, you’ll fix it in the edit, right? My second largest expense is insurance. I try to get all of my opponents to sign a no-fault death or dismemberment contract. The insurance is for the ones who refuse.”
Chaz: “What kind of cookies does Area 51 have? Can our readers get the recipe?”
C.M.: “I’m not sure what kind of cookies they are, but you can’t fly or drive for 4 hours after eating them... The recipe? I don’t know about that. But I might be able to score some for you. We get them from a little place down on S.E. Sesame St. They had some issues with a strange, blue, felt-based monster a few years ago. We took care of it for them. We get all the cookies we want from them now.”
Chaz: “What did you do to it?”
C.M.: “I wasn’t there at the time when they handled that one, so I can’t say for sure. They did have a really nice new throw rug in front of the fireplace when I rejoined.”
Krystal Fae: “May I continue now, or would you like to talk more about baking and interior decorating??”
Chaz: “Be my guest.”
Krystal Fae: “Are all of your powers Morphon-based?”
C.M. “I have a couple of Morphon-based powers, but most of my powers I have had for many years. Haven't you ever watched my Saturday morning cartoon show?”
Krystal Fae: “I must not have, sorry. I’m not, how would you say it, ‘from around these parts’. I digress. Do you have a sidekick?”
C.M.: “No, but I own a dog. I named her Kara. After my ex-wife. The former Mrs. Marvel. Kara Danvers. Because she is a real Bitch. I’m referring to the dog of course. Well sort of. I remember my ex telling me. ‘It is either me or that darn game!’ You can see how that turned out! But, I'm not bitter. She gets to steal my name and make a major motion picture. While all I got was a discontinued comic book and a canceled cartoon show. It is one of those, ‘she got the gold mine. I got the shaft’ type of things.”
Krystal mutters very quietly behind her notepad...”And from what I’m seeing, she probably deserved it...”
Krystal Fae: “That’s very unfortunate.”
C.M.” “I'm not hateful. In fact, I missed her. I missed her a couple of times. But my aim is slowly improving.”
Chaz interrupts again: “I have sources that say you are currently living in the Area 51 lair? Is that true? Did your ex get the house as her part of the gold mine?”
C.M.: “Slooooow down, Tiger. One question at a time. Yes, the rumors are true. I am currently sleeping at the lair. But I think they are getting tired of me being there. Last night I went to go to the bathroom and Thor’s hammer was on the lid. They left a note saying ‘Dishes are like girlfriends. Your League mates should not be doing them! Do your own damn dishes.’ On your second question about my ex getting the house as her part of the gold mine? She got everything. Including my name. For all those who think she is an Angel, let me remind you so was Satan. One of the things that broke the camel’s back was she cut me down to once a month for sex. Can you believe that? Of course, the other 2 guys she cut off completely. But one thing we did have in common. We had a great sex life. I would have her dress up as a WWII nurse. Because that is my secret fantasy. Affordable health care.”
Chaz gulps: “Ah… Krystal, you take the next one, OK?”
Krystal Fae, with wide eyes, nods: “Umm, sure. Captain, could you tell us a little about your origin?”
C.M. “I was born on Earth in 1928. My parents moved around a lot when I was a kid. Fortunately, with my super-powers, I was always able to track them down… In my younger years as a crime fighter. I got sued. Because I was too much like a certain ‘Superman’. Can you believe that crap? So, I hung up my cape and became a spam Rancher and raised boneless chickens in Idaho. Did that for many years. Until the bottom fell out of the boneless chicken market.”
Chaz mouths to Krystal, his face covered by the back of his hand: “When did the market drop out of boneless chicken?” He turns back to Captain Marvel. “Are you talking about raising chickens that actually don’t have any bones in them at all? Were they the byproduct of some failed lab experiment?”
C.M.: “Oh. Chaz, you misunderstood. I meant that literally. The bottoms fell out of the boneless chickens at the market. Probably due to them having no skeletal framework. No, they were not a failed experiment. I did buy them real cheap though, From some guy from the CDC. Called himself Zombie Control. However, they were exposed to the Zuka virus. Which you and I both know is nothing compared to the EA virus. That virus wiped out an entire city.”
Krystal keeps her face lowered as she writes on her pad of paper: “What is your favorite piece of gear? Why?”
C.M. “The piece I get the most use out of is my indestructible, Super stain resistant cape. Eating spaghetti or a sloppy burger? No problem.” C.M. grabs the tail of his cape and spins it around, nearly knocking Chaz out of his chair. “It becomes the world’s largest stain-resistant bib. Just look at how beautiful this is. Almost like Arctic snow.”
Chaz: “Uh, what is that?” He points at a splotch on the fabric.
C.M. “HUH? What the hell is that? EWW. YUCK! Does this look like spaghetti or pizza sauce to you?”
Krystal glances up: “I think it is a pigeon. Or what’s left of one.”
C.M.: “Hmmm, well so it is. I’m sure it is nothing that a good dry cleaning or blow torch won’t take care of. Can’t think of when I’ve eaten pigeon last, though. One of the many hazards of flying at supersonic speed with your mouth open.”
Chaz: “Yes, that is a pretty stain-resistant cape. Have you ever thought about going into mass production of that for Red Lobster or other restaurant chains?”
C.M.: “Oh, I’ve thought about it. But since this is BADGE issued and I signed a non-disclosure agreement. I think I will have to pass. BADGE gets real persnickety when you sell or trade their secrets.”
Krystal Fae: “Do you Have any advice for new Heroes?”
C.M.: “Two things!” Captain Marvel stands and poses as if starring in a commercial.
“#1 ARRRRHHHGGGG. Bank yer gold, Kiddies. There be pirates and villains about!
#2 Never driver any faster than your Guardian Angel can fly. Or never fly any faster than your Guardian Angel can drive. Umm, What I mean is, if you drink don’t fly home. Take a taxi. That is what I did last night. Got waved through all those pesky DUI checkpoints. To arrive at home safely and worry-free. In fact, the ride was totally free. The only problem I have now is. Where do I return the taxi that is parked in my driveway.?”
Krystal takes a deep breath and restrains the comment waiting to explode off her tongue.
Krystal Fae: “Is anything else you'd care to add?”
C.M.: “Sure. Want to see something cool? I got muscles where there shouldn’t be muscles. Watch this. I can flex my face.” Captain Marvel clenches his chin. “GRRRR, pretty cool huh!” Captain Marvel repeats the flex with greater intensity. “GRRRRRR. Hey, is everybody in HR going to read this?”
Chaz: “The interview will go out to all our readers.” (Krystal nods in confirmation)
C.M. “WOOOO-HOOO. CHECK OUT THESE 16 INCH PYTHONS FOR ARMS! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! YEA BABY! SOLID STEEL AND SEX APPEAL ALL IN ONE PACKAGE! And I’m single. This goes out to all the beautiful Heroines out there! Hmmm, Heroines. Does that sound a little bit off to you Chaz? Although, I’m not afraid to admit I’m addicted to good women if you know what I mean.” Captain Marvel elbows Chaz and sends the reporter and his chair skidding down alongside the table.
Chaz braces his palms on the tabletop, trying to stop his careening: “Yeah, a bit. Maybe we could just get a good picture of you and let it speak for itself.”
C.M. “Yes, it does to me also. Well, go ahead and edit that part out. Can’t have all the women knowing I’m somewhat of an arrogant dick-head, can we? I need to save something for the second date, you know.”
Chaz gets a sly look and smirks at Krystal: “Oh, speaking about reaching beautiful heroines out there, I don’t think Krystal has been seeing anyone for a while. Did Becky at the front desk give you her personal phone number? No. Let me write it down for you. You don’t have anything against redheads, do you?”
C.M. turns and sizes up Krystal: “Red-head, huh. Well, no I don’t have anything against them. Are you natural ginger? Because if the rug does not match the drapes, that would make her a trans-ginger. Can’t have that.” (Krystal again rolls her eyes.) Captain Marvel pulls out his phone and scans the screen as he swipes. “Hey, this number looks familiar… This is not the rejection hotline again is it?”
Krystal Fae: “Don’t mislead the gentleman, Chaz. I’m a married woman.”
The intercom buzzes in the center of the table: “HELLO!!”
Krystal Fae: “Yes, Becky. We’re here. What can we do for you?”
Intercom: “Hello. Oh, I don’t know if this is working. Someone named Danvers just came in and is looking to speak to someone. She says her ex-husband’s here and she wants to give her side of the story. HELLOOO! Hello? Oh, damn-it. <click>”
Chaz and Krystal eyeball one another.
Lifting his arm and pointing out the window at the back of the room, a look of panic crosses Chaz’s face. “Great Caesar’s Salad, LOOK OVER THERE. Is that an asteroid?”
Captain Marvel and Krystal Fae twist in their seats, prepared to act. A clear, beautiful, uneventful sky greets them as a door swinging closed behind them slams.
Krystal turns to Captain Marvel. “Thank you so much for your time, sir. If you’ll excuse me.” She raises her hand, gesturing in an intricate and precise fingering before disappearing in a flash of light.
Captain Marvel slumps his shoulders and buries his face in his hands, lightly sobbing. “There she goes again. Always stealing my thunder.”
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