by Chaz Hamilton and Strange Quark
SQ(through Chaz): “QUACK”
Chaz: “Stop it, Strange Quark. I’m trying to do a League War Avalanche Wrap Up article. It’s not easy with you popping into my head and-“
SQ: “Eating string cheese while watching Netflix. Hey, since you're in the real world still, how did the Purple Onion do? I taught them everything they know.”
Chaz: “I’ll get to them when I cover Division 10. Don’t mess up my-“
SQ: “401K. No, League War contenders don’t have retirement plans, yet. Director Nova should look into that. Maybe a retirement village with lots of-“
Chaz: “train of thought, Quark. I’d better get started. Division One went to WMD-Black Order once again as they dominated-
SQ: “milkmaids. That’s the part I always miss in the Twelve Days of Christmas. Eight maids a milking. Talk about udder--“
Chaz: “failure to capture the gold from Colony 51. That isn’t to say that 666-Burning $ky didn’t try their best, but the two Avengers 51 leagues took both the Gold and Silver in Division 2. In Division 3, Legacy of Spawn finally took the--“
SQ: “cake. Delicious chocolate cake with fresh cherries and fresh whipped cream. I’ve dreamed of celebrating my next--“
Chaz: “pregnancy. It had to be challenging for Krystal Fae to take the field of battle and help her league reach a dream eleven seasons. Congratulations, you deserve—”
SQ: “a swift kick to the ass. I don’t know why you keep going on about league wars when we have a much bigger threat on the verge of taking—”
Chaz: “North Pole Inc. to the Atlantic Bar and Grill to celebrate their win over AVENGERS Stormtroopers Of Death, cementing their Gold medal win in Division 4. After the weirdness in Neo Utopia and getting locked up in an Advent Calendar chamber, I could use a nice cold—”
SQ: “pickle. That always cures what ails me. But a pickle isn’t going to save us when we go up against—”
Chaz: “MERC BABES AND BASTARDS overwhelmed Galaxy Ranger in Round three of Division Five, earning them the gold. In Division 6, we see Outlaw Inc capturing the Gold as it fought The Infected 51 in the final—”
SQ: “episode of Friends. I was really hoping to see Ross reunited with his pet monkey over Rachel, but I’m just one—”
Chaz: “of the Zombie Horde of the Avengers 51 Walking Dead. They didn’t come to League War Avalanche to play cards they came to eat brains in Division 7. Of course, this league contains My Zombie Ex-Girlfriend and she—”
SQ: “makes a mean lasagna. I don’t know what kind of meat is uses, but it tastes just like Mom’s. With a piece of—”
Chaz: “PAIN secures another win in Division, closing down MOJo’S DoJO. Their collection of Gold continues to grow each season, although surprisingly, that tradition wasn’t continued in Division 9 by SUFFERING. They lost to BOMB SQUAD 2 in the final round, which gave them the overall Gold. For a rather new league, BOMB SQUAD 2 is showing a great deal of—”
SQ: “legs. Thighs. A breast or two, if that is all they have. Being trapped in an alternate dimension really makes you hungry I could pretty much eat and entire—”
Chaz: “battleship that is the original BOMB SQUAD in Division 10 as they defeat The Purple Onion. I hope you were paying attention Strange Quark. The Purple Onion ended up getting badly beaten despite a strong first round. Some might say—”
SQ: “I’m ready for a nap. If I can’t deliver my warning to Director Nova about what’s coming, I don’t know how the heroes are going to be ready to face—”
Chaz: “Mariah Carey. I can hear her song “All I want for Christmas” playing everywhere, and I think that a lot of leagues wanted the Gold medal in Division 11, but the Do’ers and Cold got what they wanted in a topsy-turvy exchange. And in Division 12, 7Planets had what it took to place first over their competition. It was quite a final round, one that made history for some and made history of others. Thank you to all competitors during this event. Without you, there would be no—”
SQ: “itching around my privates.”
Chaz: “I think I need to get back to Neo Utopia and Dr. Henderson until they find out what is going on there and how to get Strange Quark radio frequencies out of my head. Thanks for being with us once again, Sentinel readers. Happy—”
SQ: “ducks. There are never enough ducks when you need them. I could send a message to Director Nova if I only had a duck with me. Some people use rabbits, some foxes, and others use pigeons or crows. I’d trust a duck before anything else. No matter what, you can always put whatever you need on their bill!!! Ha!! Make sure Gar hears that one…”
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