In The Room with AN INTERVIEW WITH AN AVENGER

By Chaz Hamilton and Trace Evans

ID#: 22349 and 10950 

“So, you want to tell me the story of your life?” Chaz asked the dark figure standing just outside the open glass doors. It felt good to be back on Earth, doing a typical one-on-one with another person, despite the unusual location requested by his interviewee. While taking a trip to New Orleans on the Sentinel tab did have its appeal, being in an old plantation house near and old church in the middle of nowhere left him a bit shaken.

But some heroes had a deep need for an air of mystery. Chaz could live with that as long as his efforts got him back to Bourbon Street before last call.

“That’s what I’m here to do,” The man facing out the balcony window replied. He didn’t wear a costume as most capes Chaz interviewed had, instead a dated brown suit and a short tail of hair leaving the back of his neck bare was all the reporter could see at first. “I’ve been told you are a collector of lives. I’ve had many.”

“That’s fine. My recorder has plenty of memory for whatever you have to say.” Chaz placed the small, black device on the table between the two of them. He ran his finger over the wooden surface, finding it covered with a film of dust. “Is this your place”

“No,” the man replied. “It is used to host charity haunted houses for the local community.”

“Oh.” The answer caught Chaz off guard. He pressed the start button. “Why don’t we get started, then. Let’s start with a simple question.”

 The man turned and walked into the room. His appearance shifted slightly, his suit becoming a black shirt, pants with knee high boots and mask which covered from the tip of his nose up. A perfect image of The Dread Pirate Roberts. “As you wish.”

“Whoa,” Chaz shot back in his chair, nearly overturning himself. “What’s going on? Where did he go?”

“I’m still here, but I bored of that shape. Does it bother you?”

Chaz tried to gather his wits, ignoring the sweat forming on the back of his neck. “No. No. I’m good. Shapechanging is cool. What should I call you? Mr. Elwes?”

The pirate smirked. “I am Ninja Lord Fuma Hanzo. Perhaps you’ve heard of me by other names, though. The Pumpkin King? Low Key?” His appearance shifted again to that of a standard ninja. Then a man with a jack-o-lantern for a head followed by a replica of an Thor’s half-brother.

“Yes, you’re a member of the Avengers, aren’t you?” Chaz made a fist and cha-chinged. An interview with an Avenger would look great in his resume if anything ever happened at the Sentinel. “How would you describe what do you do?”

"Simply put? I fight the fights others are afraid to fight for themselves and assist those that aren't." Hanzo shifted again, becoming Hellboy. His tail swiped about the room, thumping loudly against a table leg.

“How long have you been around?”

“I was born 46 Earth years ago, but I am much older. I have existed throughout time. Like your Merlin,” A wizened old druid now stood opposite Chaz, leaning on a tall staff. “I was older in the past and younger in your future. Time is a construct we exist in, but one we can step out of and return at different points. Think of time as a spiral staircase with missing steps. Through those missing steps, one can climb up to a later point in time or fall through to a previous point. So, even though I was born 46 years ago, I have been alive for thousands of years.”

Thinking quickly on the Avenger’s research he had done to prepare for league wars, Chaz remembered a fact he often wondered about. “I’ve heard mention that you were a pirate king at some point. What was that like?”

A uniform Chaz didn’t recognize adorned the new appearance before him. Part Malcolm Reynolds, Han Solo, and Flash Gordon rolled into one being. “Space Pirate would be a more accurate label. Sailing the stars has always brought a sense of freedom. There are so many wonders in the universe. The birth of stars. The end of them too. And no matter how far you go, there is always more to see. Species of all kinds. Earth isn't the youngest planet to hold civilization, but it is far from the oldest. “ Hanzo pulled some type of pistol from his belt and twirled it in his hand, stopping it and pulling the trigger at Chaz. No electric buzz or bullet exited the chamber. “In a fight, I always fire first!”

After his heart started to beat again, Chaz took a deep breath. It was obvious the person he sought to ask questions of had a mercurial personality, but the rapid-fire variety and activity tested his nerves. He needed to ground the conversation for a bit.  “We’re here at a haunted house. Am I right to assume you are a fan of Halloween?”

“I am not so much a fan of Halloween as I am a fan of children. Like Christmas, or Easter, or any number other holidays, the heart and soul of those holidays are the smiles, laughs, and screams of glee from those children. In every neighborhood, you see people go all out to decorate for Christmas. But Halloween only seems to get the token treatment. So, I picked Halloween to bring joy to kids. Having certain talents, I was just really good at it. It grew and grew. We give the proceeds to St. Jude's Children's Hospital. Again, I'm a fan of kids. Not like Joe Biden, mind you.” Hanzo changed into the Vice President, but not wearing the typical politician’s suit and tie. Instead, he wore a white jumpsuit and his arms were tied in a straitjacket. He tilted his head back and gave a Mark Hamill worthy Joker laugh.

The ease with which Hanzo altered his appearance stunned Chaz as well making him curious. “Can you describe what it feels like to shapeshift? Does it hurt or is it like changing clothes?”

“Shapeshifting is a simple way to explain my nature. See, I come from a star far, far from Earth. My species is almost as old as the universe itself. We evolved from the primordial ooze that makes up the physical universe itself. To understand our physiology, think of us as colonies of organic nanobots made from reprogrammable stem cells.” The body became a rapidly shifting kaleidoscope of faces and limbs, as if each part of the man were being scrolled through on an avatar maker for a video game. “Each cell is capable of existing on its own. Each cell holds the consciousness of the colony as a whole. So, rearranging my structure is as simple and natural as turning your head is to you. I only feel pain when some of them die. Fortunately, my cellular structure replicates at a phenomenal rate compared to most humans.”

Chaz gave up on trying to imagine what it was like to morph into different shapes. He switched subjects again. “You’re pretty tight with the Avengers. What is it like working with them?”

“When I came to Earth, I had lost everything. My people. My kingdom. My planet. My family. Even the love of my life.” Hanzo became a variety of his teammates, starting with ♦ Starscream ♦, then ♦ Fiero ♦, ♦ Harlequin Rogue ♦, ߣµε Drå§ô∩, Rakly, Abstract, Strange Quark and the rest of his league. “When I became an Avenger, it was like having a family again. We fight. We make up. We agree. We disagree. But one thing is for sure, we all have each other's back. The Avengers rally around each other. They collectively raise money to solve each other's problems, both here and in other worlds. There is always an ear or a shoulder to cry on. We're not just Avengers. We're real people with real struggles and real problems. And knowing they're there for you no matter what...... Being an Avenger is the closest thing to being in a real family that I think one can achieve outside of a real family, and for me, this is valuable because it has been a long time since I've seen or heard from my real family.”

“How did you loose your one true love?” Intrigued by the comment, Chaz pushed the issue.

Hanzo returned to his space pirate shape. “The Legion had a prophecy that the key to their undoing slept within the blood, or DNA, of my people. So, they set out to exterminate my kind throughout the galaxy. Many of us escaped and went into hiding. I, along with my betrothed and a host of others that were attending my wedding when the Legion attacked, made our escape and headed to Earth. While the Legion had their prophecies, so did our people. Earth was a backwards and primitive planet. There was little that was remarkable about it. Even the dominant species, you humans, was frail and unremarkable when compared the other children of the universe. But within our own legends it was told you humans had great heart and would one day become the greatest of God's children, ending the evil that ended us. So, we came here. Being as old a species as we are, we know the stargates and pathways that you call wormholes. We also had the technology to utilize them. Unfortunately, at some point in time, the Legion gained time travel technology too and were able to get to Earth ahead of us. I fear it was my own doing that allowed them this technology. But that is a different story. We had nearly made it to Earth when we were ambushed by a bounty hunter. I separated from the rest of my party to draw him away after he had disabled our main transport. My plan was to hit the hyperdrive when he cast his magnetic field net around my ship while trying to capture me. I had hoped opening a wormhole and dragging him through it would get us far away from the rest of my crew of refugees. Far away from the woman I loved and was robbed from marrying. But somehow, the interaction of his net interfered with the hyperdrive engines opening the wormhole. When we exited the wormhole, we were still headed towards Earth, both ships now disabled and being pulled uncontrolled towards it. My scanners said my party was nowhere to be found. Further analysis determined that the wormhole didn't send us through space. It sent us through time. We landed in the late 14th century Japan. I believe this is how the Legion found Earth to begin with. Had we not come, perhaps they wouldn't have either. I spent nearly 2 centuries stranded in feudal Japan. During that time, I taught several villages that had been oppressed by the samurai class, how to defend themselves, and the 1st ninja clans were born. Once Earth technology had reached a point that time travel was possible, one of the clans that survived to the present day used schematics they had found among artifacts associated with me, to rescue me from the past. But during those two centuries, I filled the hole in my heart with many wives. They lived. They grew old. They died. But not me......... not me....... I fathered many children and my DNA, the DNA of my people, mingled with that of you humans. When the Legion unleashed the Morphons onto you, those who had traces of my DNA mutated and birthed the metahumans here now. It is you who are prophesied to end the Legion and deliver my people from hiding. At least, I hope they are hiding. When I came back to this time, I found no trace of my people or my love. Since then, I have traveled through both time and space to find them with no luck. Nowhere have I found any evidence of any of my people still alive. I fear, this too is my fault. It was when we crashed to Earth that the bounty hunter captured the wreckage of my ship and the Legion gained time travel technology. I fear they used it to hunt us all down anywhere and any-when we might have been. It's up to your people now, our children, to avenge us.”

 “What has been your favorite period of history to have lived through?” Chaz wanted to lighten the mood.

Archie Bunker appeared in front of him. “My favorite period of history was when the universe was birthed from the womb of a dying god.”

“Have you ever replaced someone? You know, as a shapechanger, taken their form and pretended to be them, like twins doing a bait and switch?”

“Do you mean like this?” Hanzo matched Chaz’s own appearance, mirroring the surprise on Chaz’s face when he gasped. “I replace people all the time. I'm a master spy. It's how I get information. Furthermore, it allows me to lose anyone tailing me, or ambush unsuspecting opponents, or unnerve reporters.”

“Don’t do that, please,” Chaz asked. There was already one hero out there walking around with his face. He didn’t like the thought of another.  A slight unease crept into the pit of Chaz’s stomach. “Where do you say you stand on the whole good/evil chart? Lawful good, Chaotic Evil, somewhere in between?”

A strange creature Chaz knew from Japanese folklore, an Oni, swelled out of Hanzo’s imitation of Chaz. “Am I good? Am I evil? That's a philosophical question. Many will tell you each answer. While I like to think I have a good heart, I have no scruples. I am like a funhouse mirror. I cast back one's own reflection, but with a twist. If you're my friend, you'll swear I'm one of the best friends you have. If I am your enemy, the devil would be the lesser of two evils. “I am the punishment of God... If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.” if I were to take an alignment classification, I would have to say chaotic good.”

“OK. That’s helpful.” Chaz felt like he was beginning to experience whiplash from all the shifting forms. He began to worry that the table or his chair would suddenly begin to change as well. “What is something that most people wouldn’t expect from you?”

Hanzo the Oni placed a hand to his chin and then morphed into Captain Caveman, smashing the table with a large club. “CAPTAIN CAAAAVVVEEMAAANNN! There, did you expect that?”

His chair toppling backwards, Chaz waved his arms about and fought to regain his balance. “Whoooa.” Once he did, he smirked at the 3-D version of the animated character as he picked his recorder out of the debris. “No. I can’t say I did. IKEA must really love you.”

“Ask a silly question,” Captain Caveman shrugged. “Most people wouldn't expect me to save the life of someone I despised, but I have. Most people wouldn't think I would risk myself to help or save strangers, but I have. Most people wouldn't think I was religious, and they would be right. But I am spiritual and talk to the God Most High on a regular basis.”

“Do you have a favorite shape or person to become?” Chaz calmed his breath, reading to end the interview. He had the impression he might not survive the night if he were to try to fully understand this man.

Hanzo became a mannequin, articulated and naked. “Favorite person to become? I'm still becoming him, the best me I can be.”

“Well, I think that is enough for tonight. I want to thank you for taking time to talk with me.” Chaz stood from his chair. “I need to call for my Uber. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”

The mannequin shifted to the original form of a man in a dark suit. He turned his back and returned to his original position, staring out the window. “We’ve covered quite a bit. I know where to find you should I think of more.”

“That would be great.” Chaz said as he placed his recorder into his leather satchel.

Hanzo paid no further attention to Chaz, even as he moved to the door and walked down to the first floor.

Chaz waited for several minutes on the front porch of the house, watching for his ride back into New Orleans. There were tall trees lining the long driveway, so he didn’t see the vehicle approach until it had almost reached the house. A middle-aged man waved at Chaz from the driver’s side window. “You called for a ride?”

“Yeah. You made good time.”

“Put that in my review, if you don’t mind.” The car door unlocked, and Chaz slid into the back seat. “Where are we heading?”

“Bourbon Street, of course. Can’t miss Halloween in New Orleans while I have the chance.

The driver nodded once before driving back to the road.

Chaz sat back and tried to relax after the oddity of his interview. With all the shapechanging, Chaz felt he had been speed dating every citizen of a small town. After a few minutes, he pulled out his recorder and started to replay the interview, thinking of his approach to the story.

“What’s that? Some audio-book or something?” The driver asked.

“Not yet, but maybe someday,” Chaz chuckled. He hoped hearing the interview would be easier without the distraction of watching Hanzo alter his forms. A book with all the stories the hero alluded to would be quite a page turner.

“Halloween night, heh. Always a crazy night around here.” The driver commented from the front seat. “Do you want to see something scary?”

Chaz looked up and caught sight of the driver’s face in the rear-view mirror as the car slowed and pulled over to the side of the road. “No. Not really.”

“But I thought you were a collector of lives?”

Chaz’s face went white and the driver’s face shifted into a fanged monster as it turned toward him. “I collect lives too. Heh heh heh hehh….”