By Squirrel Girl, Phantom, and Abstract
"... but they still couldn't get rid of the smell of cabbage.
And now, much later than planned its finally time to go back over to the SuperActionSports Team. A few records have been set and some more have been broken ... haven't they guys!"
"You're not wrong, Kennie. JayC broke his previous PB and drank 23 cans of RedBull before seeing spots in his vision, feeling dizzy and then puking."
"And my old pal Robert Jnr here managed to set a record of 17 trips to the 'fire escape' during the last 2 hours of what was a monumental day and a bit of action."
"00:00 hours saw 48 teams all enter battle. 24 hours later we had 23 results and the first ever League Wars OT. 8 hours later we had the second ever League Wars OT. 40 hours later we finally had all the results in."
"And for the first time ever Kennie we are going to the Pits where we're finally joined by d'Anthony Kay the latest addition to the SAS team."
"He would have been with us for the kick off show, but was still in quarantine."
"Covid?"
"No Kennie, suspected rabies."
"You there d'Anthony?"
"Thanks for the introduction guys. Its great to join the SuperActionSports team. Thanks to management for giving me this opportunity.
I just been out on the fire escape catching up with a few of my hero associates, blazing out there, not talking about the sun ... but ...
First lets get down to the brass of things. WMD versus Angggggels of Sorcery 108-0. This is the worst case of domestic violence in Heroes Rising since that time Fleagle got kicked out of area 51 and swore a blood oath to sacrifice them to Moloch the owl deity.
Speaking of owls... They are creepy as heck guys. The way they sleep on their faces and sit criss cross applesauce. They remind me of ...hmmm ... they remind me of clowns. Which reminds me of NMDS who are gaining traction in the public sector.
Heroes rising stock has a league which for copyright purposes and legal we will refer as an alias... 6th police station building as losing consumer confidence. Apparently a late registration mass kicking of numerous members has led to the biggest potential exodus since since Noah led the animals across the parted red sea holding the 13 commandments.
"You gotta leeeet my peeeeeople goooooooo!"
Say guys... Anyone know what happened to unicorns? I just think its tragic. They are so majestic bruh.
Speaking of unicorns. NMDS broskis. They are like this mythical creature impossible to capture. I see big things for the League Wars 6.
In other divisions we have the Avengers taking care of they business in divisions 2-5.
Not gonna lie. Division 2 Avengers versus Colony???
Guys I'm gonna need more smoke for that one. We may burn down the amazon am I right? Avengers has their level adjustment personnel which one would think poses a significant hindrance to its conquest goals against a seasoned veteran squad like colony. Inquiring minds inquire inquirestically as to the status of ultra primus bros. He's like... Not there... Wth man?
So I'm calling it now. Colony takes down Avengers on a last minute hail Mary. Anomaly hits Heretic with the haduken fireball off the top rope. And the Avengers are all shocked like holy crap he can haduken? Element of surprise baby.
I just finished wrapping up on the filming of entire segment on the battle for D6, we'll show that sh ... thing later today. Stealth and Pain are on a collision course. I will break down what each team has to do to win gold. How mp heavy they need to be. And if they need any build advice... I'm totes gonna crush that section for them.
We will also focus on suffering v brotherhood. Brotherhood has my favorite toon in the whooooole game guys.
Smoke. Bazinga!!!!"
"And what about any of the other results from today D'Anthony? You know THAT match"
"Uh oh... Oh lord. I was having a nightmare. Stupid puppet... This is the war that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people started fighting it not knowing what it was. And they'll continue fighting it forever just because...
Sorry folks. Long night of league war tracking. Most of the action went down exactly as planned. And then down in D7, some cray cray stuff kicked off. All was good until i ran outta smoke around 2am. I dipped down to Avenger HQ and dipped into the reserve puff and ran out of that at 4am. So then it got hella wild. Peeps was wildin out ya know whatimean? It was pound for pound a straight dog fight. We went into like a lot of overtimes. Mojos dojo who as we all know, my peeps... Was locked in against the 5th precinct undercover. After 40 hours of fighting train style, mojo dojo ran outta choo choo muthafricker and gave up the W most unrighteously.
It was a rather unceremonious end to a legendary war between legendarier combatants.
Other than that everyone who was suppose to win like totally won. Man we really need to do this after I sober up. I'm hella drunk."
"I'm not sure you can say you're drunk on the air d'Anthony."
"You are so right sir. My apologies to our sponsors. I'm totes hammered. Like I'm really really intoxicated. Dojo de mojo all up in this hizzy!!! We coming back next league wars. Stronger than ever. We gonna win gold like we do. Full steam ahead chooooo choooooooooooooo!!!"
"Can someone switch off his microphone? Yep that's great....
Erm...
Erm...
Yeah we will probably be back with d'Anthony later."
"They aren't going to get a replacement to us and through quarantine in time, so we either stick with him or do all the work ourselves!"
"We WILL be back with d'Anthony later ... so lets have a quick recap of all the scores ..."
"D1. WMD and NMDS picked up the wins, no surprise with the big guys but like I said before its all about bragging rights for silver!"
"D2. Avengers and Colony took the first step towards the inevitable conclusion."
"D3. Reigning champs HO$ got off to a winning start. Joining them with the 1-0 record were the Avengers."
"D4. Baptized Blood Warriors and Avengers again with the important first wins."
"D5. Tyggers, Instigators, Avengers and 1st Space Marine Battalion all got the W there."
"D6. GW Deadly Alliance edged what looked like a no contest, Pain, Stealth and NMDS also took the spoils."
"D7. SUicide Squad, Dark Guins and the Shield all took quite comfortable round one wins. And then 5th Undercover and Mojo's Dojo did that thing ... has anyone mentioned it?"
"No no JayC ...tell me more"
"You sure you haven't heard about it Rob?"
"Heard about what?"
"The double OT 40 hour iron man match!"
"Oh yeah, think d'Anthony touched on it."
"And Kennie."
"And every journalist ..."
"Think its been done now."
"Yeah lets move on ..."
"D8. Brotherhood, Suffering, S7 and the Purple Onion all gained a point."
"First two not surprising, S7 are a new outfit and we aren't entirely sure how they will go long term. Onion taking out a GW team is a bit of a surprise."
"GW just aren't the force they appeared to be when they arrived with such a bang not that long ago."
"Its not about one good performance when you want to build a legacy, its about consistently setting the standard everyone else wants to follow."
"And that's why we at the SAS team are proud to announce we have just picked up our 4th H-Emmy."
"Four Kennie .. how many you got?"
"I don't think we need to talk about awards right now do we guys/"
"Easy to say when you have none Kennie ...."
"Anyway, we should be back with JayC, Robert Jnr and d'Anthony later .... unless anything accidentally horrific happens at the League Wars arena.
And ... coming up we will be meeting a police officer with a penchant for obscure pornography and a small chip on his shoulder, a man who likes to arrange fights at airports but never flies and an interview with an Internal Affairs officer who claims the deputy mayor is dirty.
All this and more after a few words from our sponsors"
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