In a universe far far away, not unlike this universe, but in a
different dimension, there lived a traveler, who, on a cold winter's
night, was reading a book.
The traveler's name
was Frozen Flatulence, and she lived on Titania, one of the moons of
a planet called Uranus.
On Titania, every
night is a cold winter's night.
Frozen liked to
travel. She did so by creating a tiny wormhole in the space-time
fabric - known also as an Einstein-Rosen Bridge - to get to her
desired destination.
That night, as she
was reading, a rogue wormhole inadvertently appeared before her.
Little did she know that the other end of the wormhole led to a
planet called Earth. Not the same Earth as Frozen's solar system, but
a different Earth in a parallel universe.
That Earth had the
misfortune, at that time, of being invaded by aliens known as The
Legion. In preparing the planet's ecosystem to make it habitable for
themselves, the aliens saturated the atmosphere with particles called
Morphons. Those particles, in turned out, had unintended consequences
for other life forms on the planet.
Apparently, it also
had unintended consequences for life on Titania.
For at the moment
that the rogue wormhole appeared that winter's night, Morphons from
Earth slipped through and altered Frozen's biochemistry. The wormhole
only lasted a second, but its effect on Frozen was permanent.
She found that she
now had the ability to freeze gasses and manipulate them in various
ways. She especially liked to freeze methane, which was widely
available from Uranus.
With her
newly-acquired ability, Frozen traveled the universe freezing
villains with her noisome gasses.
One day, she decided
to visit Earth through a wormhole. (This was the Earth of her
dimension, not the one that was invaded by The Legion.)
Unfortunately, the
wormhole she was in terminated inside the bowels of a cow.
Unable to get out,
Frozen, resorted to desperate measures to get attention from anyone
who might be able to save her. She tried to freeze the gasses in the
cow but didn't want to hurt it. To make matters worse, the cow was
feeling constipated. Frozen was stuck inside for days.
Finally, she had the
idea to manipulate the gasses in the cow, causing them to expand and
contract rhythmically. By precisely controlling the rhythm of the
cow's gaseous emissions, she could send a morse code to whoever was
passing by.
It so happened that,
at that moment, a stanger called Quark was in the vicinity. He heard
the distress call and teleported into the cow and saved Frozen.
Freed from the
constipated cow, Frozen thanked Quark, "You are the wings
beneath my wind!"
Years later, in a
fortuitous turn of events, Frozen would find a wormhole to another
Earth in a parallel universe: the Earth that was being invaded by The
Legion, and encounter the aliens and their Morphons once more.
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